4 Signs Of Toxic Friendship

There is a quote that goes: ‘you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with (including yourself)’ and ‘tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are’. While these quotes may sound a bit general or cliché to some, I personally feel that these have proven to be true in my life. People around us whom we hold in esteem or with respect, or people whose opinions matter to us have the power to shape and influence the way we think, feel and sometimes even the way we enjoy certain things.

My mom always told me to choose my friends wisely, and while I’ve never really been a picky person when it came to who I chose to mingle with, as of late, I have decided to let go of certain ‘toxic’ friendships. These are people who are in essence, not good for you, your thoughts or your actions. These are friends who at first might seem harmless, might seem friendly but are ultimately bad for you. Here are the four signs (IMHO) that you’ve got yourself a toxic friend you need to let go of before he or she poisons you completely.

They don’t inspire you to be better.

Toxic friends hold themselves in either very low or very high extremes. It is either they are so full of themselves they have to be first in everything or they are so insecure of themselves that everyone needs to be just as bad or worse. If your friend hardly revels with you in any of your accomplishments and always finds something negative about it or gives you a ‘been there, done that’ attitude, chances are, you’ve got yourself a toxic friend who may not be good for milestones you plan on hitting in this life.

They insist on changing your views to align with theirs

This trait is something very typical of toxic friends: you can’t have an opinion that is different from theirs. Your ideas, thoughts, statements and even concepts need to either be the same or similar to theirs. If they find that you are not in agreement with anything they feel strongly for, they create a way or threaten to turn you into an outcast. It’s their way of saying: it’s my way or the hi-way.

They love to talk about other people who happen to be your friends

Toxic people have this trait which people often mistake for simple gossip: they love to talk about others and discuss other people’s lives. And while it might be entertaining every now and then to talk about an old high school flame who married a bimbo or an old professor who got plastic surgery, the toxic friends take this to a whole other level. They talk badly about people you actually consider as friends and who have never in their lives done anything to merit such mean comments from them. Best part? When these people they’ve insulted do anything stellar or remarkable, the toxic person is quick to be a turncoat… in front of their eyes, that is. But behind their backs, the commentaries continue.

They keep their enemies close but their old friends (who know of their true colors) very very far

Now this trait is the hardest to detect, but if found is always the surest way to affirm that your friend is toxic for you: they’ve burned bridges between themselves and people who were once their true friends for reasons that are often shallow and yet stay within circles of people they don’t even like just so they can have something to talk about. They spend so much time acquiring things or (possibly) knowledge that make them look good in front of their enemies but shell out (only) half as much effort on their friends. Often times these toxic friends rarely have best friends that have lasted through the years and the reason for this is often simple: no one can last long on poison.

So if you’ve noticed yourself nodding in agreement to these signs, it’s time you find a crafty excuse and get that friendship over and done with! There is no sense keeping these people around, they will be like cement bags on a hot air balloon: they WILL keep you from flying to great heights. On the other end, if you find that you exhibit any of these signs, try to make changes while you can. Friends, especially true friends, are hard to come by. Live on the thought that people adjust to each other, and you must live and let live. Remember: a good friendship is not one that tolerates or imposes, it is one that accepts, and it is always a two-way street.